Sunday, January 4, 2009

The Top 10 Dating Mistakes for Men


Do your girlfriends often tell you that they’re not ready for a serious relationship after only one month of dating? Do you always hear the excuse that they are too into their work or need more time to themselves? Just to let you know, you should never believe that old "it’s not you, it’s me" line, because, to be honest, it is ALWAYS you. However, the good news is that the majority of men seem to make all of the same dating mistakes, so review the following list and take a moment to honestly reflect on what you’re doing to turn women off.

1) Expecting your girlfriend to take care of you. Although it’s creepy to think about, men really do look for girlfriends who remind them of their mothers. With this comes the expectation of nurturance, which causes men to believe that a good girlfriend will take care of them they way their mother did. A woman may embrace this role temporarily, but once she becomes your long-term girlfriend, cooking and cleaning for you is going to seem like indentured servitude to her, not a component of a healthy relationship.

2) Being bad in bed. A lot of men make the mistake of not showing enough interest in their partners’ sexual needs. Many women slowly become uninterested in sex over time because they are simply not getting their needs met. At least 70% of women cannot reach climax from vaginal penetration alone, so if that’s the only thing on the menu, you can pretty much assume that your girlfriend or wife is not going to sleep satisfied. Communicate to your partner that her enjoyment is just as, if not more, important than your own, and encourage her to share what works for her during masturbation. Then - and this is important! - be willing to try out her ideas. Trust me, if she is genuinely enjoying the sex you two are having, then it will be much better for both of you.

3) Acting too immature. There are certain hobbies that all men hold on to into their adulthood, including baseball, farting, and hocking lugies. While these behaviors may be appropriate at a football tailgate, your girlfriend is not likely to be impressed if you try them on a date. Women want to date men they can marry and coparent with, so just try to clean up your act a bit when you’re around her.

4) Hitting on women in the wrong places. I am just not a fan of hitting on women while they are running their Saturday errands. Most women would rather not be bothered while they are trying to pick up a carton of milk. If you notice that a woman seems interested in you or strikes up a conversation, then by all means pursue the relationship, especially if you find yourself repeatedly bumping into her. Otherwise, it’s better to save your advances for a more welcoming environment.

5) Being too insecure. I know that you’ve heard this over and over, but I’ll say it again: the key to successful dating is confidence. If approach a woman at a bar and she seems quiet, she may just be surprised and nervous that a man is actually talking to her. If you’ve tried initiating conversation and it seems to be failing, keep yourself available to her by standing by her for a few minutes after the conversation peters out. If she’s interested, she’ll eventually start a new conversation to prevent you from leaving. Just don’t give up right away if your advances don’t seem to be working, because confidence and perseverance can be a major turn on for women.

6) Smothering her. Sometimes, men are so ecstatic to have actually gotten the girl of their dreams, all they can think about is the possibility of losing her. They then try to overcompensate by asking her on dates every night of the week and calling her 20 times a day (i.e. the movie Good Luck Chuck). In my experience, this always has the reverse affect, and chances are she’ll probably change her contact information just to get away from you. Remember the golden rule of dating: we are attracted to that which we cannot have. The less available you are, the more she’ll want you (to a point, at least).

7) Not practicing good hygiene. Have you ever wondered why your girlfriend is suddenly in the mood right after you get out of the shower? Your body may release certain "odors" throughout the day that turn her off, and these are only magnified when clothes come off and bodies come into contact. Even if you are a generally clean person, putting in a little extra effort before initiating sex can go a long way when it comes to romancing your partner.

8) Not giving online dating services a shot. The best thing about online dating websites is that the give you the chance to get to know a woman before actually meeting her. Take advantage of online matching systems and weed out women that you know have deal breakers. Consider using a professional, respected site like eHarmony if you’re serious about your search, and you’ll have hundreds of potential partners within minutes.

9) Flirting the wrong way. As a general rule, you should try to keep flirtatious conversations upbeat by talking about hobbies or events that you enjoy. If you complain, bash your ex, or put down her interests, your interaction with her will eventually take on an overall negative tone, which is obviously not the impression you want to make. If you discover as the conversation goes on that she’s not your type after all, gracefully bow out of the situation by taking a trip to the men’s room and reappearing in a different part of the room. Just remember to keep your cool and act confident, whether you actually feel that way or not.

10) Being too boring. Women want to be with men who are successful, independent, and adventurous. If your only plans on a Friday night are to wait for her phone call, she will quickly tire of being the exciting one in the relationship. Women want a man who has something to offer and can take charge once in a while. You should have enough going on in your life so that she isn’t the sole source of entertainment. Otherwise, she’ll move on to someone who can give her what she needs.

Katrianna is a staff writer and reviewer for dating sites reviewed, a popular dating blog.

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